Goodbyes & Blessings

Growing up, I was always Dad's co-pilot.  I was given this title from the many trips to Georgia to visit Mom's side of the family when I was young.  I always had to sit in the passenger's seat because I had the tendency to get carsick...still do.  I was in charge of the radio, as well as the maps and directions.  Even though Dad knew where he was going, he would always question me on our location to teach me how to read directions (pre-MapQuest).  I believe I have a good sense of direction, but that came directly from Dad's guidance.  I also developed a good eye for spotting deer night or day while driving...also from Dad.  As I got older, I held my spot as we traveled to football games; father-daughter trips to NFL games.  We mostly went to Ram's games until I began following the Packers (go Pack go!), which also became a tradition for awhile.  Dad use to buy me Packer's tickets for my birthday each year.


But on this trip, Dad was MY co-pilot.  He was along for the ride not only to see Alaska, but to make sure I would get settled in okay.  His presence on this trip was also a comfort to many worried and inquiring minds at home who wondered about my safety in coming here.  I know Mom wanted to come as well, but honestly, I do not know how we would have gotten her on the bush planes with her fear of flying.  It would have taken very strong meds or a tranquilizing gun...just kidding.  I know my mom would move Heaven and Earth for me no matter her fears, but certain limitations only allowed for Dad to come along.

This would be Dad during one of our walks around the village
(maybe he'll start a trend up here with his camo?)

It was a blessing to be able to share all the new experiences in the beginning with him.  I was also thankful to have his help when it came to unpacking since I started work the very next day after arriving in Stebbins.  After the first day of work, I came back to the apartment to my food unpacked on the counter (he did not put them away because he knew I would enjoy doing that...I am weird, I know, but I love to organize).  He also cleaned out the one bin that had the only fatality the entire trip...the syrup bottle.  Aunt Jemima busted in one of my bins en route to Stebbins.  Of all things to bust, right?  Thank goodness I had Dad to help me, or I would have had so much more work on my hands when I first arrived.


Even though I knew he would be leaving, I came to look forward to his presence being there when I got home from work at the end of the day.  Although, sometimes he was not always there when I got back.  He was also making friends with the teachers, and one day, I came back to find him in the science room.  The science teacher told him to come down and sit in on his class.  Dad also took the time to explore the village to find out where the essentials were located:  the post office (even though everything is delivered directly to the school), the store, and the clinic.  He took me on the tour once I was out of school.


When the time came for him to leave, I did not expect it to be so hard.  It was a Saturday, and his plane was delayed quite a bit.  He was originally scheduled to leave around 10 a.m., but ended up flying out about 3 p.m. that afternoon.  The principal drove Dad and I to the airport, which is just a landing strip for the bush planes.  I went along to watch Dad's takeoff.  Looking back, I do not remember ever saying anything to him when he left.  When it came time for Dad to board the plane, he gave me a big hug, and that is when I noticed his shoulders shake a bit.  Usually, Dad and goodbyes are not a big deal, but I could tell this one was hard for him.  When he pulled back from hugging me, I noticed his eyes were glossy, and his lips were pressed tight together, but he quickly said he loved me.  Then, all in one breath, he said, "Have fun, be safe, and get back in the truck where it's warm."  I think all I said was 'Okay.'  Partly, because everything happened so fast.  When the plane lands, you do not waste any time boarding and getting ready for take off, and secondly, I was caught off guard by Dad's reaction.  I did not expect him to get choked up.  All I could think was, 'Thanks, Dad, now I am going to  start crying.'  I was fine up until that moment.  When leaving Keyser, I prepared myself for the tough goodbye with Mom, who actually handled it very well (from what I saw at least).  This, I was not prepared for.    


The principal and I sat in the truck and watched the plane take off, and then we headed back to the school.  I am grateful the principal did not say much that required a response on the way back because I did not feel like talking.  After that goodbye, I was simply focusing on my breathing, trying not to cry myself.  I headed straight for my apartment once back at the school, and as I climbed the steps to my door, I could feel my chest tightening.  I thought I would be fine, but then Dad...ugh!

The view outside the window of  my apartment

As I reached the top of the stairs, I realized that when I opened my door, Dad would not be sitting there on the computer or unpacking my bins.  I would be alone, and it all would become very real, very quickly.  The more I tried to fight back tears, the harder it became to breath.  I finally made it safely inside the apartment and  sat down on the edge of my bed.  The other bed that was placed in the room for Dad's stay was now empty, sheets folded neatly on the bare mattress.  As I sat there on the edge of my bed, I squeezed the sheets, exhaled, and finally let the tears run over.  It was not exactly an "ugly cry" session, as Oprah would call it, it was just a moment of realization.  I found out about the job in October, and now, here I am.  It was time to put the "big girl" pants on and look out the window at the new world around me.  In a million years, I would never have imagined that my first teaching job would be in "the-middle-of-no-where," Alaska.  I have always wanted to visit the state, but never thought I would be living here for a bit.  I am so grateful to have been given this opportunity.  Despite the unexpected along the way, it will be an experience I will never forget.  I am also so grateful for the support, love, and prayers that have been extended my way and my family's way.  It has helped close the distance between Alaska and home, and I know that it has helped my family so much, especially my mom.  Despite being so strong, this has not been easy for her, I am sure, but I could not have done it without her.  

From left: Mom, Matthew, myself, and Dad, saying, "Good-bye!"

Mom's strength gives me strength.  There have been many nights while here, after days that seemed eternally long, where I read the 91st Psalm before bed.  Mom used to read this to me when I was sick as a kid.  I can still hear her calming voice in the back of my head as I read it.  Even though you have to grow up, those little things that your parents give you, and not such the material things, but the influences they pass on to you along the way grows with you.  On one of the many plane rides to get here, Dad looked at me, and in the same open-ended way as HIS father starts a conversation, said, "That's something I really like about you."  My initial reaction was, "What's that?"  He replied, "The way you go after new things or your sense of adventure" (something to that extent).  The point is, I hope Mom and Dad know that, that "thing" they like about me, comes directly from the life they have in them and their caring spirit.  I am forever grateful for all the support, guidance, and love they have given me.  Without them, I would never have been able to take this chance and have this experience.  They have always been by my side, and I am so thankful to call them mine.  


**To Mom and Dad-I love you both, and I will see you soon! (10 more days!!)